Saturday, January 21, 2006

Murray Bail's notebooks are now available for you, ordinary human, to read. Cost: $34.95. You can, however, enjoy these excerpts from my notebooks for nothing:

Men have a moral obligation not to wear shorts.

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Hymn/Him: A Poem

Jesus loves me, yes it's true
And if you sin I'll tell on you
And He will come and smite you through
'Cause nobody likes a sinner, be-atch!

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Idea for novel:

Minor Italian aristocrat (c. 1875), suffers injury to the skull that, while leaving his existing memories intact, prevents him from retaining any new memories for longer than twenty-four hours. His family are embarrassed by his incapacities, and keep him locked in his villa, where he begins writing what is intended to be a somewhat Gothic tale of revenge. He writes from sunrise to sunset, handing over his work to his private nurse, who is also his lover. She takes his writing home with her, there to keep it safe from the aristocrat's family. The problem is that as he goes about his day's work, the aristocrat's mind is busy forgetting what he has written the previous day, and what he has written the day before that is long gone. So each day's writing had only the most tenuous connection with what had come before. Can't think of anything more. Accentuate the "Proustian" and the "Borgesian".

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Idea for novel:

Divorced P.I. solves crimes. Obligatory personality quirk: he eats peanut butter from the jar with a dessert spoon.

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Why are there bugs on me? Why? Get them off!

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Portrait of a lady:

She was honey blonde (just above strawberry blonde on the Monroe-Birkin Scale), about five feet tall, with legs that went all the way to her high heel shoes, where I assume her feet began. The usual mammalian protuberances were present, as was a backside that reminded me of some kind of stone fruit, most likely a peach. Her face was beautiful, but aside from that I do not know how to describe it. "Angular"? "Cherubic"? "Sensual"? Pick an adjective, any adjective, and wrap it around the adolescent fantasy of your choice.

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Why don't they sell the brand of hemmerrhoid pillow I like anymore?

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Baking Maybes

Making babies is fun
Making babies is fun
You can do it at home
With your loved one

Making babies is great
But never on a first date
It's done by everyone
(Even your mum!)

4 Comments:

At 1:43 AM, Blogger JPW said...

Murray Bail can go right to hell. But what do you make of this?: http://austin-flowers.blogspot.com/

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger Tim said...

My god I write some utter nonsense when I'm on the booze...

As for austin flowers, it reads like Finnegan's Wake: The Blog.

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger Jon said...

I remember a time not so long ago when you denied having written the 'Making Babies" song... I, and posterity, am glad it has resurfaced

 
At 6:01 PM, Blogger Tim said...

Why would I deny having written one of the most important lyrics of our time? Why, Elton John himself is recording a version of it for some Disney movie next year.

 

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