Tuesday, January 31, 2006

More More Fake Reviews

“Zadie Smith writes like a woman who, having accidentally ingested a dictionary, takes five doses of Metamucil, crouches down and peers between her legs, and snatches out half-digested scraps of paper totally at random.”

“Cory Doctorow, having deen denied sexual interference by creepy relatives as a young boy, nevertheless has escapist regressions into a wonderful fairy-tale universe where the grizzled male members that were never slapped roughly against his cheek in the woodshed are turned into smiling marshmallow turtles who playfully squirt water in his face.”

“Reading Germaine Greer is like peering up your senile grandmother's dress at Christmas dinner and finding that she isn't wearing any knickers, and then she winks at you and you start to wonder if she's really senile after all.”

“Enjoying David Foster Wallace is like having an orgasm in a nightmare. You know you should probably call somebody but you're not sure how to explain yourself.”

“Irvine Welsh is like being a kid in school and telling the other kids that your dad's in the army, and getting bashed up anyway.”

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